Sorry for the lame title. I’m not feeling super creative today. I still wanted to write down a few thoughts on the New Year we have kicking off all around us, and review some things about stinky, old 2011. Well, maybe not ALL stinky, but still…that year is pretty much old news now, right?
Fancy Goal #1:
Be better at organizing and planning my work-at-home time.
Lesson Learned from Stinky 2011:
Working at home is not always super-easy, or hunky dory, and your kids will be really mad at you when they see you in the office working and not in the house playing with them when they want you to.
Loveable Back Story #1:
My past work experience when kids first showed up in our family, was away from home, with at least a 45 minute commute to and from the work place. It was nice to get a paycheck and benefits, for sure, but being away from the babies was really hard for me. I always wondered what it would be like to fill my days with park-time and juice boxes, versus meetings and tribal gaming drama. When I was forced to work in town, I thought that it was so nice to not have a commute anymore, but I took a major pay-cut, had the most ridiculous health benefits, which were so watered down, they really should have been referred to as “benefit”. As in, if you have an arm fall off, or something major, this plan will “benefit” you by paying for a teeny-tiny portion of it. Of course the local advertising world took a hit, and lo and behold, I found myself unemployed and at home with my kids, who were about to be 3 and 5. Yikes / Yeah?
Now I help out with some local event planning while at home with the kids, and I am really enjoying getting to be around them more and getting to focus on my home. I actually have a pre-determined day where I do household chores! (Crazy!) This was not the case when I was working away from home, so unfortunately, instead of just doing my new chores like a new duty or ‘job’, I expect to get the kudos and adoration I would have gotten in the old days. “You worked a 10 hour day and STILL managed to come home and scrub the bathroom?! You are he most awe-inspiring woman in the world!” Ok, so my husband never actually said that before, or ever, but still, I miss the praise for things that once seemed ‘above and beyond’ and that are now ‘expected since you’re the dork who’s home all the time’. I know, I know…I have way more time at home than I used to, but the funny thing I’ve learned in the past year is, just because you are AT HOME, doesn’t mean that you are sitting on your tail just staring out the window. Have I gotten to do that? Yes. I have actually sat down and looked out the window, but it was usually at my backyard in disgust, while I was thinking about how I could lure a TLC yard-makeover show into my clutches. I really hate my yard.
I also really hate that whenever I choose to go into the office and be productive, my kids take it as a personal offence. Maybe it’s because they are older now, but when I used to leave for work, they rarely clung to my legs and howled for me not to go. They were usually very sweet in their little toddler send-offs. Now they stomp around and go all ‘limp-noodle’ and flailing when I mention that I am going into the office to work. Today my four year old whined, “Why do you ALWAYS have to work? Why can’t you just play with me right now?” I hate my kids feeling like I am choosing boring, old work, over them. But unfortunately, this is the way it is right now. This August, I’ll have two kiddos in school 5 days a week, for a large chunk of the day, so then they won’t be around to see me working; I am hoping this will be a huge help in our situation. In the meantime, I want to be better organized with my time, and maybe even, gulp, get up earlier so I can do a few things when they aren’t awake yet? We’ll see how it goes…
Fancy Goal #2:
Not be so disgusted with my body.
Lesson Learned from Stinky 2011:
Growing older sucks and affects how huge I am/feel. Exercise is the major thing that will help me not be so…loosey-goosey. But unfortunately, I’d rather chew on tinfoil than work out or give up my bacon addiction.
Loveable Back Story #2:
Did I mention that I hate exercise? Blech. So many amazing people around me are able to suck it up and go work out faithfully or go running in fancy groups or by themselves on soul-searching sojourns through the beautiful surrounding parks. Nope. Not me. Running sucks my very will to live and makes it impossible to breathe. My ears also revolt whenever I run or exercise and I feel like all I hear is the soundtrack of my own blood pumping and whirling throughout my head. I do not like exercise. But I also hate being so Downy Soft where I am supposed to be bad-ass firm.
Since being married to a vegetarian and former personal trainer/competing grappler guy, I have been made aware the error of my unhealthy ways, several times. Now, my husband does not nag me or poke at my mid-section and make darling little ‘Hee hee’ Dough Boy noises. No, sir-ee. He really is kind of a gentleman about my appearance, and even managed to avoid saying anything at all today about the large red planet that crash-landed on my face this morning and made me feel like I was the ‘BEFORE’ girl from a Clearasil ad. But obviously, I’ve seen how hard he works at his healthy lifestyle, and so a girl can’t help but realize that something’s got to be done.
Unfortunately, I don’t quite know what that is right now. All I seem to know is that I should be exercising, and that it will suck, just like most things that are good for you, right? The ‘endorphin-high’ people always mention that they get after they work out? My endorphin-thingy is broken, and the only thing I want to do after working out is lie on the floor and cry. I have never felt ‘awesome’ or ‘so empowered’ after a difficult (who am I kidding, ANY) work out. Working out has never ‘sank in’ and become a habit for me, or something that my body got used to. It hurts 100% of the time, and makes me want to punch Adam and Eve in the face 100% of the time. I truly think if someone had shown Eve a picture of cottage cheese thighs, she would have run for the hills, since apparently the talking-snake-thing didn’t do anything to freak her out.
Well, there are the first two goals / lessons for you! I’ll have more to blab about later! Happy New Year, friends!