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Sausage Marketing Blogging Sweater

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Do you have Klout? I apparently have a little, but not where I want it!

A letter to Klout who is busily measuring my social media influence on the Web.

Klout, Klout, Klout…we need to talk.

I know you are a magical BETA site that measures everyone’s social influence, but I think you may have me confused with someone else.

It’s true, when I originally heard about you, I was intrigued.  “Measure my social influence and pump out a score for me from 1 to 100?  Sign me up!”

I’ve always been a sucker for a grade or rating of any sort.  I have a box in my closet that holds my favorite performance reviews from past jobs.

I remember a conversation with a favorite college boy where we discussed the difference between a girl being “cute” and “gorgeous”.  He informed me that 90% fell into the cute category, and only a few could be considered gorgeous.  It irked me that I was lumped in with all those other cute-commoners.  If gorgeous meant that you were extra-special and set apart from the rest, then by golly, that’s what I wanted to be!  I was sad the gorgeous moniker was not in my destiny.

But now Klout, there’s your Klout score for me to dwell on, I mean… think about casually and with coolness so I can check my social influence pulse.

For those of you reading this letter over my web-shoulder, here’s the skinny:

When you set up a Klout account, you link up your social media accounts like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, your WordPress blog and all the other accounts you may have.  Then Klout will churn its magic formula and spit out a fancy score between 1 and 100 (100 being the ultimate social influence score, currently only help by the Biebs.)

Sadly, Klout can’t link up to my Pinterest account, where sometimes I can feel like a Pinterest Pro, especially if one of my pins gets repined over 100 times.  Nice/Wow, that probably doesn’t really matter, does it?

When you have a decent Klout score, you can start earning Klout perks.  Perks can be anything like free business cards (no, thanks) to a free room upgrade at the Palms in Las Vegas.  I heard the Palms looks up your Klout score when you check in.  If you’re a bad-ass Klout-Master, then-Boom!-here’s an upgrade.  Cool!

Klout also likes to break down all the areas of life that you are socially influential in and assign you some ‘Influence Topics’.  This is where I think Klout gets a little Krazy.

But back to my pretend letter to Klout:

Currently, Klout, you believe I am influential in the topics of:

  • Sausage
  • Marketing
  • Blogging
  • Sweater

Of those 4 topics assigned to me, you, Klout, gave me “Sausage” and “Sweater”, prompting many giggles from friends and a lot of hollering from me.  Seriously, Klout? Sausage and sweater!  Aw, man…

For the record, I blame the Sausage topic on my ag-centric friend and Wonder Rancher Extraordinaire, Megan.  I happened to share one of her links about the whole pink slime debacle.  Soon after that, you told me I was influential in sausage.  Crumb.

The Sweater badge came out of nowhere and I am still wondering why you assigned me a topic about cold weather garmets.  I don’t even own many sweaters because of my unusually long arms. But you already knew that about me, right Klout?

In case you were wondering, or if you were feeling generous with your bad-Klout-selves, here are the topics I wouldn’t mind being socially awesome /influential in:

  • Being a Cool-Mom (I have cool kids. Does this mean I get to be a cool mom by default?)
  • Pinterest  (Seriously, Klout, do you know how many of my friends have signed up for Pinterest accounts since my radical Pinterest evangelism-spree?)
  • Shoes (I like them. I wouldn’t mind receiving more of them from brands that you partner with.  I promise I would promote these freebies to my entire mini-social world of pals.)

Well, I’d better get going.  I need to go update my Facebook status and hope my number of likes and comments persuades you to up my Klout score a point or two.



About Jenny Z

I love to overuse italics, misplaced hyphens and internal dialogue when I write about my usual favorite topic, myself.

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