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Internal Soundtrack of a Morning Mind

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I have mastered the art of living in my mind and can simultaneously juggle reality with my own internal storyline quite nicely.  This skill often is a bad thing, especially when I jump in and finish my husband’s sentences during an argument (which I’ve already had in my mind so I know what his next line is) – one of his MAJOR clench-his-jaw/flare-his-nostrils pet peeves.  Oops!

I am trying to corral those living in my mind moments and am working on being in the present, even though being stuck in the middle of an argument where you are usually talking about something you did wrong is as much fun as picking up your kids’ stray toenail clippings off the floor.

Oh, Bob…hiking socks and sandals?

But there are some fun sides to maintaining an internal alternate reality.  Mainly, you get to have your own internal soundtrack as you go through your day.  It’s kind of like living in your own sitcom or novel sometimes, and you get to have an appropriate song properly setting the mood.  Sometimes I like to narrate over that boring person’s monologue I’m politely listening to:  “Jenny valiantly maintained eye contact with Bob even though she was greatly distracted by his hiking socks and sandal combination.  Sadly, even though she felt like she was a better dresser than Bob, she knew he could probably beat her at Scrabble.”

One thing I love about this blog is that I occasionally get to unload some of those internal moments or memories and since I am in the thick of my own thoughts, I figured that you were probably dying to read about the obscure daily details of my life, so here are some of my daily routines as well as the internal soundtrack or story lines that often accompany them.

Welcome to my mind…enjoy your time here but don’t step on my pet dolphin’s tail, please.

WHEN:

I have hit snooze for the sixth time that morning, my magic-snooze-number that combines the art of slowly waking up and getting to live in denial that the workday (or kids’ school day) really does start before lunch.

I am rolling out of bed and feeling like I need more sleep, no matter what time I went to bed the night before.  I catch a fuzzy glimpse of myself in the giant mirrored closet doors and think, “Holy cow…that is scary.  I wonder how all those girls pull off the ‘looks cute/sleepy’ routine while I only seem to have mastered the ‘looks haggard/bag ladyish’ theme?  My bangs are usually sticking up on the side where I was plastered to my pillow and even without my contacts in, I can see that my ever-present eye makeup that refuses to wash off completely has smeared and contributed to my Clockwork Orange-esque appearance.

I walk with heavy footsteps to our teeny tiny master bathroom and turn on the light, only to be greeted with a more detailed and pasty reflection that greeted me in the dim bedroom.  Yep.  I am thankful that I am not being filmed right now for a secret reality show, but just in case I am, I take out my mangled ponytail and reinstall the elastic while I wait for the shower to heat up.

Song Choice: The first 20 seconds of JT’s “Damn Girl”.  In my mind, the song stops and repeats itself before he talks about how awesome she looks.

WHEN:

Stepping out of the phone booth shower, I realize that, yes; the bathroom really is that dirty.

Still.

Magic tile cleaning elves with pointy little hats did not spontaneously appear while I was balancing on one leg while shaving and take care of the stray hair offerings and grungy potty bacteria (which I blame solely on my husband and the stray child that sneaks into my bathroom when I’m not paying attention.)

The long strands of hair clogging the sink?  Yep, those are totally mine.  It seems in my real life, my hair likes to pretend what it would be like to jump ship and go exploring underground caves and rivers, a.k.a., the dark and windy pipes of my bathroom.

Now I am all clean, though.  Why would I want to get myself all dirty again by spending 5 minutes de-hair-balling the sink stopper and wiping down the counter?  Maybe next time.

Wouldn’t that show be great?

Or maybe one day I’ll be surprised by a new TV reality show where maids sneak into your house when you’re busy warbling off-key in the shower and completely sterilize your bathroom.  Even behind the toilet.  Maybe they’ll call the show “Secret Scrubbers” and they’ll leave a little card behind after they leave that says something like “You’ve been SCRUBBED!”

Song Choice: Funny Girl* (the Glee version).  Because even though I’m used to my wandering, internal thought trails my brain can take me down, picturing a secret cleaning crew de-glazing the hairspray wall is kind of funny.  And if you didn’t know by now, being funny is on the top of my list of desirable personal qualities.

Around the time I was in 3rd grade, I realized that I wasn’t going to be winning any beauty competitions and since things are usually all about ‘winning’ in my mind, I decided to pursue the low hanging fruit of being laughed it.

True, many may see this as taking the easy way out, but getting folks to laugh at you is actually quite complex.  Sometimes it’s a silly story you tell, other times it’s when you let others see just how awkward you really are…either way, getting good at it seems easier than waking up lovely one day.

WHEN:

I managed to get dressed while maintaining my wet-hair towel wrap (extra points if it doesn’t slip to the side when the top gets pulled over my head!) and now it’s time to wake up the boy.

This is bittersweet, since he is absolutely adorable when he sleeps and I know as soon as I wake him, his face will contort into an angry furrowed brow of ‘Get the heck away from me…I’m SLEEPING for Pete’s sake!’  I know the face well, and I’m sure my husband would say the same thing on any given weekend morning, but I still need to get the kid up and moving.

After a few attempts at gently coaxing the little guy out of bed, I resort to turning on a light in his room and head back to my bedroom across the hall to get out Mister Ridiculously Loud Hair Dryer for some extra ‘it’s time to get up’ persuasiveness.  I do feel bad for my boy, since he probably got his love of a good night’s rest from his mama, but since it is still illegal to leave him home in bed all say, he needs to get going.

Song Choice: I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do) by the infallible Hall and Oates (This also happens to be one of my most favorite songs ever.)

Because, no…I can’t go for any fussy, sleepy-pants attitudes this morning, no can do.  I’m trying to fend off my own ‘tude at the moment, ok?

WHEN:

The limp locks have been thoroughly dried by the above referenced loudest hair dryer ever, and now comes the time to resemble a crazy housewife from the fifties.  Every morning, to obtain the level of ‘volume’ the world actually gets to see, requires me to wrap the first two sections of hair on my crown into two unflattering, giant pink Velcro rollers.

Aw, yeah…you can see where this is going, right.  Sheer loveliness at 12 o’clock!

Pump up the volume, pump up the volume, pump up the volume, DANCE-DANCE! (Also a great background song…)

Next comes the 2 seconds of flat ironing out the wonky side pieces of hair that decided to show up in my life after I had kids.  This is often when I notice that I need my bangs cut and pluck any stray gray hairs that think they can join this pretty-party.  Don’t even think about it, you wiry rascals!

Song Choice: It’s a Man’s, Man’s, Man’s World In my head, I hear it sung by one of my “The Voice” favorites, Juliet Simms.  She stinkin’ killed that song…I’m also reminded that when my husband sees a gray hair or two, he gets happy.  He’s like the guy from those Touch of Gray commercials.  “Never too much…just right!”  Grr…men!

WHEN:

It’s time to get the little girl up and at ‘em.  {Sigh…}  By this time, my son still is probably sitting on the edge of his bed without his shirt on, and the little girl is managing to enjoy her last sleepy moments in her big pink and white bed.

But she’s a tricky one…

This little lady insists on being dressed by mommy, and since her t-shirt pajamas are pretty inappropriate to be worn to school, I can’t play the whole “Well…if you don’t get yourself dressed I guess you’ll just go to school in jammies” games with her.

I’ve learned that it’s much faster to just get her floppy, sleepy body dressed with my help.  Next, she likes to be carried to my room (I know…Whatever…weightlifting is good, right?) then we brush her wispy hair.

There is a formula to this process of getting the girl up and going that you just DON’T mess with.  Following the right formula, this takes about 4 minutes, but if you deviate from the tried and true steps, your morning will consist of a screaming child and everyone being late to work and school.

Song Choice:

Love you, Carol Burnett! Love you, Annie!

Little Girls from the 1982 classic movie, Annie, performed by the super-awesome, Carol Burnett.  “I’da cracked…years ago…if it weren’t for my sense of HUMORRRRRRRRR!”  So true, Carol…so true…

WHEN:

It’s makeup time, and I have had a long lasting relationship with wearing it every.single.day so there’s no question that a work day would be a day to go ‘au natural’ or as I’d refer to it with my own face, ‘au-no-she di’int!’  I have no idea how to spell that.

I plunk down in front of those giant mirrored closet doors, criss-cross applesauce, and my daughter secures her normal spot off to my right.  Sometimes she decides to lie down on my lap, usually whenever I’m pointing a sharp object directly at my eye, but other times she’ll just watch and chat happily.

I really do love makeup, even though I really am a complete makeup moron and am still employing the same makeup techniques and color palate that was referred to me when I was a freshman in college.  If you would like to do a makeup intervention and provide me a ton of new makeup free of charge, I welcome it.  Just go easy on the ‘BEFORE’ photos, please.

Song Choice: Happy Days are Here Again/Get Happy, my favorite Glee mash up.  Shut up, it’s awesome.  I also stumbled upon the original inspiration for that scene in Glee where the mash up was performed by Babs and Judy Garland.  So good…When makeup is on and my kids are ready to go, I am a happy girl indeed!

Do you have any internal soundtracks playing in your mind as you go through the day?  I’d love to hear them!  Let me know!

*Ok.  So you may not be a link-clicker normally, but you HAVE TO check out the YouTube video I have linked up with the Funny Girl reference.  It is EXACTLY what I probably look and sound like while attempting to belt the same song with my 5 year old, except, the little girl in the video is absolutely adorable.  Your eyes and ears will thank you, although others around you may ask, “What the heck are you watching?”

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About Jenny Z

I love to overuse italics, misplaced hyphens and internal dialogue when I write about my usual favorite topic, myself.

2 responses »

  1. Love this line: “One thing I love about this blog is that I occasionally get to unload some of those internal moments or memories and since I am in the thick of my own thoughts . . . “

    Reply
    • Thanks, Nina! You’re a writer/blog/Twitter rock-star and I am honored you stopped by to check out my ramblings!

      (By the way, I feel you have a much better grasp on the whole eye-make up thing compared to Mr. Cooper in the clip!)

      Reply

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