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Valentine’s Day In Your Face

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I occasionally aim my blogs at a group of specific people, but today I plan on talking to my husband. Yep. You there, in the jeans, white t-shirt and old man slippers. (A hot-mess if I’ve ever seen one.) Feel free to read over his shoulder, blog readers. But don’t try and talk to him while he reads. He hates that.

Hey, husband!

So, Valentine’s is coming up and we haven’t had time to talk about what we’re doing yet this year. We both know this isn’t 100% true, but seriously, what’s more fun — Talking about Valentine’s Day or watching that awkward guy who sells homes to professional sports players in all his odd-chinned glory?

I figured I’d send you this note / blog post, to help lay out what I was thinking for the upcoming Thursday Of Love. Of course, talking face to face like some (all?) married couples do, is also an option. I just thought this way sounded a bit more fun. Especially since the kids can’t manage to interrupt these soapbox ramblings.

Yes. Valentine’s Day is THIS Thursday. February 14th. Yes, it is always on the 14th. Every year.

1) Dinnertime

I am not expecting any day-of Valentine’s Day plans like a fancy dinner. Boy Wonder has his first little league practice that evening, and then we have to drive both kids 135 miles south to your parent’s house so they can watch the kids for us while they get a couple days off from school and we are stuck working like schmucks.

Let’s accept it now: In-N-Out will most likely be our dinner locale, just like it is every time we drive the kids to your parents’ house. At least neither of us will have to cook and no one will be stuck wearing uncomfortable (albeit, sassy) shoes.

I am hoping to have a conversation on the way home that doesn’t involve me asking you, “Who’s that that keeps texting you?” or “When is it my turn to pick the music?”. I’m hoping we can avoid our customary huge-driving fight that we often do as soon as we are kid-free. That’s lame.

2) Chocolate

It would be nice if you could buy me some chocolate and give it to me some time on Thursday.

Note: All of my favorite chocolate can be purchased at Target.

When you walk in, turn left at the dollar section. (Just look for glow-sticks and gift bags.) Turn right when you come to the new cold-foods section. (Yes, I realize that section is technically ‘new’ anymore, but you know what I mean.)

Walk straight until you almost hit the back of the store. Pass the wine aisle, pass the chips and school snacks — THERE! Now turn left down the candy aisle. (I could use some more Wintogreen Life Savers while you’re down there. Remember: DON’T GET THE SUGAR-FREE ONES! The sugar-free ones taste like minty vitamins and make me sad.)

You remember that dark chocolate with sea salt we had a few times? It’s in a white wrapper with some black and blue on it. I can’t remember who makes it which I understand is not very helpful, but it’s not like I buy the stuff all the time. Godiva? Ghirardelli? Lindt? I seriously can’t remember who makes it. Just look for dark chocolate with sea salt and I’m sure it will be yummy.

Stay away from almonds because they make my throat itch and no hazelnuts. Those things are gross.

Do not go down the Valentine-themed aisle. I repeat: DO NOT GO DOWN THERE! The chocolate there tastes like cheap dollar-store “choc’lit” and I will be disappointed with anything in the shape of a heart or pair of lips. Although if you wanted to get Boy Wonder that motorcycle made out of chocolate, that would be cool. I forgot to buy that the last time I was there and I liked that you wanted to get that for him. You’re a sweet dad.

3) Cards

Psssh! I really don’t want to spend $2.99 on a card that you will read once and then throw away. We both know the cards you buy for me at the store often contain fart-jokes so I’d rather just skip the whole card thing, if that’s OK,

Seriously, spend the card-money on the chocolate.

The kids will have extra school Valentine cards. I’m thinking of just using one of those. Or maybe I’ll write you a note. Hey, maybe this blog post can count as my card! Brilliant! What’s that sound? Oh , that’s just the sound of money being saved, thankyouverymuch! (Does that count as a gift? Probably not.)

If you’ve already gotten me a card — WOW! I’m impressed. I haven’t got you one yet. There were too many people crowding around that section when I was at Target over the weekend and it feels weird to read something so mushy with a bunch of other people breathing down your neck.

If a card is super-important to you all of a sudden, let me know. I’ve heard that sometimes spouses can totally reverse their feelings on random things after they get married (eating meat). Maybe cards are one of those things, too. You never know!

4) Jewelry

There is no change in this arena. I still am not into fancy jewelry and can be just fine with a cheesy cheapo necklace from Forever 21. Since you got me about four of those for Christmas, I think it’s safe to say that we can skip that gift-area entirely this go-round. But I appreciate the thought!

5) Flowers

Husband, you have set the bar high when it comes to flowers. I have known you to pay extortionist prices for fancy florist-delivery, and I’ve seen you drive 45 minutes to my workplace and deliver them in person.

I love getting flowers at work, but I am cheap, and you know I’m really wanting to save up and replace that old nasty couch by the fireplace. Please don’t splurge on delivery. If you happen to be off work and you want to stop by with a lovely bouquet, that would be really cool, but if it doesn’t work out, I promise not to cry about it in the shower.

I know I’ve only told you this 1,800 times but remember: Flowers = Costco. I’m not into the whole baby’s breath and ornamental fern inserts. Just cut to the chase and give me the good stuff – the flowers!

I will always favor a multi-color rose bouquet over a red rose bouquet, no matter the holiday/occasion. The only thing that could trump Costco’s multi-colored roses is when they feature their limited time bouquet of fresh pink peonies. As a side note, I would really like you to buy me one of those bouquets of peonies this spring when they come out. Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll text you a picture of them when they are in stock.

6) Miscellaneous Gifts

I’ve had no time to shop for anything. Can we just skip this part? Does chocolate count as a gift? Am I the worst Valentine ever? I think so. I did manage to get a couple things for the kids though.


Even though our Valentine’s Day is shaping up to be pretty lame tame, I am hoping that we’ll hang out together this weekend, especially since the Boy Wonder and Princess will be out of town with grandma and grandpa.

I think a dinner date out on the town in uncomfortable shoes and undergarments is much more doable after our work week is done and Valentine’s has passed. Don’t you?

Oh yeah, maybe a motorcycle ride for two!

Love you always,


About Jenny Z

I love to overuse italics, misplaced hyphens and internal dialogue when I write about my usual favorite topic, myself.

2 responses »

  1. Yes! Directions. So awesome, and I hope its not weird I read your not to your husband.

    Also, I am 99% sure the chocolate you are referring to is in fact Lindt. They also have a good selection of Lindt at World Market.


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