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Mama Pajama

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Mother’s Day is quickly approaching.

Let me rephrase that.

Mother’s Day is THIS FREAKING SUNDAY and not next Sunday like I had thought all along.

Frick.

The sheer speediness of this holiday is kind of catching me off-guard but this could be a good thing. You know, like when the nurse turns around and – BAM! – there she goes with the shot in the arm. No gentle countdown or rubbery-knot-around-the-arm thing, just a shot out of nowhere! Ouch!

Yep. Let’s get this over with. That’s kind of where I’m at this year.

I’m all for celebrating my mom, she’s awesome! But once again, I’m the kid who gets mixed up on her dates and sends her card late. BOO!

They need to make belated Mother’s Day (and let’s face it, Father’s Day) cards for kids like me.

Here in Chico, my kids are hanging in there like champs with the whole one-week-at-mom’s and one-week-at-dad’s place thing. They will be hanging out with me most of the day on Sunday, which was simply the luck of previous scheduling and, to my knowledge, had nothing to do with the momly-occassion on the calendar.

But at 7 and days-away-from 9, my kids are still pretty little when it comes to spearheading holiday celebrations. Sure, my seven year-old has given me an early Mother’s Day present that involved a hot glue gun, sea shells and orange craft foam this week, but that will most likely be the extent of the “Thanks for being our mom” stuff this year.

That’s OK, though.

I think my wariness of the holiday this year is tightly wrapped in the whole “You suck as a mom because you chose to divorce your spouse” message that exists in my life at the moment.

If you’re new to my blog, here are some quick facts to get you up to date:

  • I think Jesus is pretty cool and I’m glad He thinks I’m pretty neat too.
  • I was married for 13 years until I decided not to do that anymore.
  • Many of my friends and members of my church family are really disappointed in me and have done their best to distance themselves from my messy, mean choices.

Ok, you all caught up now? Cool. Back to where I was going with that previous thought.

So many people out there from the church-club insist if you choose to get a divorce that you are anti-family. The general feeling is that if you choose divorce, you are a selfish person who is choosing themselves over the greater good of everyone around you. You are grieving the Holy Spirit and sucking as a Christian. You need to get your crap together and just stick with it. If you only had tried harder, had more date nights, held hands while arguing, etc., then God could have been glorified in your life. Now look what you’ve done! No friendship for you! If I’m supporting you, I’m supporting your choices and I just can’t do that since I’m into Jesus and I can’t be seen as someone who loves people who screw up big-time like yourself.

On the other side of things, there have also been lots of support and encouragement from some old friends and many new ones that have kind of stumbled into my life. The message from them is: No one knows the whole story. Our friendship is not conditionally based on the choices you make. Your other friends are complete assholes. It’s OK – you’re still a good mom.

And here I am in the middle of the two trying to sort things out for myself. It’s been an interesting 10 months, let me tell you!

Honestly, this Mother’s Day, my goal is to just try and enjoy myself and be thankful.

I’m reminding myself that worked my ass off to become a mother in the first place. I have two kids who can take me out with one smile across the room. I am so lucky to have them in my life.

If they decide to surprise me with my favorite breakfast in bed or roses on the table, that’ll be awesome, but I’m just going to settle for warm cuddles and (hopefully) a lack of smelly feet odors and sibling bickering. Fingers crossed!

Have a fun Mother’s Day, everyone! I think you’re all pretty fantastic.

 

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About Jenny Z

I'm kind of into myself, hence the idea for writing a blog all about: me!

One response »

  1. Hey there!! I am just catching myself up on your blog. #1, you are an AWESOME writer!!! 🙂 #2, I totally appreciate your honesty with where you’ve been with christianity and your marriage. Love you tons even though we don’t see each other. We should do coffee sometime. 🙂

    Reply

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