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The Questionable Things, Holiday Ver. 2-ish

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Two years ago, I originally posted version one of this piece and I honestly always wondered when I’d be inspired to crank out part two.

There were some odd things about Christmas that my friends seemed to be so excited about (Elf on the Shelf, a real-live Christmas tree, etc.) that just seemed so weird.

But I went into those for part one. This, my friends, is a brand-spanking new part two, and I’ve got some more really strange things that people just go nuts over. I wonder how many of them are weird to you too. Need to jump back in time and read part one? It’s OK. I’ll wait. Just click here.

Will You Calm Down Already, Trans Siberian Orchestra?

Perhaps you’re like me, and you like to dabble in the all-Christmas-music-all-the-time radio station during the holidays. I will admit to forgoing the strict “AFTER THANKSGIVING ONLY” rule. Basically, when the radio-programming-gods think it’s time for holiday tunes to take over the airwaves, I go right along with them.

We all know it’s pretty much the same artists and songs every year. Every. Freaking. Year. In fact, it wasn’t until I started listening to Spotify a while ago that I realized people were even still making new Christmas music at all. But when it comes to our local radio stations, it’s usually the standard Christmas classics.

90% of these are tolerable and my daughter and I crank up the volume while we attempt to impress big brother with our knowledge of 90% of the lyrics. He does a good job tolerating us. He also tolerates my mom-ly lecture about what it means to respect another human when they say NO during that creepy “I really can’t stay…Baby it’s cold outside” song. Hey! What’s in the drink? Um, nope.

But there are those songs that come on and you just can’t help but think, Who the heck actually likes this song anyway? This is awful! I’m talking to you, Trans Siberian Orchestra.

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It turns out that the Trans Siberian Orchestra is very much a “thing”. They happen to be playing, not one, but TWO shows in Sacramento this holiday season. I’m sure if you’re musically gifted and understand the complexities of composing a true rock opera, you have a special level of respect for these guys.

Respect, yes. I have that.

Admiration of their mad diddly-wow-wow guitar skills? I guess so.

But appreciation and fond memories of their tunes during my holiday times? No! Oh, God, NO!

I feel like the Trans Siberian Orchestra was horribly miscast.

Have you heard other Christmas music? I think of Bing Crosby, Karen Carpenter, Nat King Cole…gentle and crooning favorites. Even Mariah’s glorious, belting high-notes feel almost angelic when I’m in the holiday-pop mood. But the Trans Siberian Orchestra? Nope. They should have been told to go out into the world and create music for a different holiday.

Maybe something like the Fourth of July. Can’t you just see their riffs being a much better fit when paired with ramparts raging and explosions in the summer air? Is a building getting imploded at midnight? Is there a dueling magician’s tournament about to happen on a rooftop? Then, yes. YES – cue the Trans Siberian Orchestra!

Christmas music should be soothing and chill. Shhh, Trans Siberian Orchestra, baby Jesus is sleeping. Calm the frick down.

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About Jenny Z

I love to overuse italics, misplaced hyphens and internal dialogue when I write about my usual favorite topic, myself.

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